I forgot to mention post resurrection that this blog in no way represents the views and opinions of Peace Corps. Only a fool would think otherwise, but the internet is a big place, home to many users.

Never on Schedule, Always on Time

Never on schedule, always on time – that’s my Mongolian anthem. I’m going to sing a bit of it for you. Why? – Because. I can’t forget about you, Sammy. MONGOLIA, ‘tis of Thee, Sweet Land of Levity, Of thee I sing; Land of my broken pride, Land ‘fore the reign of time, From every mountain side, Let Chingis ring.

Never on schedule, always on time – hate it or love it – this maxim sums up the way of the world in the modern day land of the late great Chingis Khan. Learning to accept its underlying philosophy is difficult to grasp for some of us Peace Corps gahdads. Many of the type A’s I enlisted with loathe this way of being. We gahdads are programmed to schedule, as if it’s been inscribed in our genetic code waybackwhen in the land before time. For some, living without a schedule contradicts the very nature of their existence. Suddenly the sky is falling they’re walking on water and swimming in land up is down, down is up right is wrong, wrong is right – but jetlag is still a bitch. ‘Don’t Mongolians realize everything is better when it happens according to a schedule? Then you can control and manipulate and manage and prepare and predict and did I mention control?' I know people who live to schedule. For example, my Uncle Sam schedules: celebrations/ war/ reconstruction/ education/ vacation/ business/ religion/ family/ children/ spouses/ friends/ money/ love/ sex/ rest/ exercise/ sickness/ recovery/ vices/ retirement/ sleep/ play/ meals/ and so on/ – ‘It’s all part of the plan,’ he says. ‘To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow,’ I say. And with each passing syllable another grain of sand falls through the hour glass or is blown hither and thither by a westerly wind and our little life creeps ever closer to its inevitable e-n-d. Can’t schedule that! However, it will happen – on time.

Yes mam, Mongolians just dontgetit. Schedules are the way of the modern world. Imagine all the planning and preparation that takes place prior to certain events in the land of Uncle Sam. Take weddings, for instance. It’s not unusual for Uncle Sam and his would-be spouse to spend anywhere from several months to a couple years scheduling every waking second of a 24 hour time span – all to ensure that their special day transpires without so much as a hitch glitch light switch off script. I’m not hatin’ newlyweds, I too want to experience all the joy that goes into the planning and preparation and execution of that oh so special day [it is joyous, right? RIGHT?] I’m just calling attention to differences between us and them to let ya’ll know that it’s hard out here for a gahdad. Because in the land of Chingis Khan, a Lam [pronounced la-ma] selects ‘lucky’ days each month which determine when Mongolians ‘schedule’ their wedding ceremonies and various other cultural celebrations. Sometimes this happens no more than a day or two in advance, sometimes only a few hours. Please don’t mistake what Uncle Sam would consider all the forethought of a mad dash to a Las Vegas chapel for a hollow union. Check the divorce rates. Just a different way of doing business, and if you drink the water, you better follow the goddamn customs, now SAY, ‘I DO!’

So you see, when it comes to schedules us and them are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Uncle Sam likes to schedule, Chingis Khan, not so much. I happen to be residing in the land of the latter. Like swimming against the current or spitting into the wind, trying to exist according to a tightly wound schedule in Mongolia just ain’t a good idea – you’ll be wound so tight with frustration and resentment your gears will start grinding counterclockwise, or worse. Instead, toodEtood, you need to learn to ride the waves pull an about-face and harness that breeze to project your wad of saliva or stream of urine farther than it’s ever flown before. Yeah buddy! According to a fellow who knew a thing or two about being in time or Being and Time, earthlings exist, metaphysically speaking, by projecting themselves into their anticipated future. Everything we encounter derives its meaning based on this projection and things have a meaning only to the extent they are contained therein. Our past informs this projection, and the fact that we care about something in our collective world absorbs us in the present. Thus, the earthlings’ existence is simultaneously threefold. However, to my two-dimensional mind, perhaps some earthlings don’t project themselves quite as far as others and are all the better for it. I have to surmise that the extent of one’s metaphysical cast out there ought to be informed more by their current standing in the stream, rather than the number of trout they want to net by the hour the great orb falls in the western sky. That orb is falling partner, whether you catch your quota or not. Might as well enjoy the scenery and embrace the fact that what’s meant to be will be – on time – not on schedule.

The cast the past – enough? alright then - just wanted to remind myself that there’s no changin' it [what’s done is done] however you can waste the present by starring in the rear-view. Another effective way to piss away the present is by marrying future happiness to an arbitrary schedule of benchmarks blueprints deadlines quotas titles timetables etc. ad infinitum. Sam disagrees. He has to schedule, must schedule, needs to schedule - he’s like the drunken uncle in your family, you know he’s lame, you feel ashamed, but you love him just the same. Oh, Sam. I envy you. I hope my nieces and nephews are as forgiving in the future.